Put In My Place

Independence. For some reason the word has been spoken several times today in my presence which made me consider the fact that I now lack it. For years, I considered myself independent. I refused to listen to anyone’s advice and I was determined to make decisions on my own and be held accountable. And I have always loved alone time. Watching meaningless TV, wandering around a book store, getting my hair done, walking outside admiring each tree as I passed, driving on a destination unknown road trip with the dog… these are all things that I thought used to determine me and my independence. I still enjoy these things but want to do them in the company of Joey and G. I could do anything. ANYTHING… and the second that someone tried to take that from me or tell me what to do- I would protest and retreat.

Of course, now I realize that I am totally dependent on so many things and so many people and it doesn’t bother me one bit. I know that I am dependent on Joey for things, and I am dependent on my family, and my co-workers, and my neighbors. It’s okay not to have all the answers and have to seek guidance from others who have already walked my path. Wisdom has to be lived not learned.

Independence has always been brewing in me and I can see it peeking out in Gracie. She likes to be by herself sometimes. I remember when she was very, very, little she was crying and I couldn't get her to stop. I held her and rocked her and bounced her, and finally I just put her right down in the middle of her bedroom floor and she was content. She just wanted to be left alone.... uh oh.

I guess you could say that I have been put in my place by a little Grace…